Defining a Decade: Rufus Wainwright Want One (2003)

This past November, I traveled to New York City to attend a recital being given by Aprile Millo, the internationally renowned operatic soprano, as she celebrated the 25th anniversary of her debut with the Opera Orchestra of New York with her first public performance in years.  While the purpose of the trip to New York was certainly the recital, there was an added element of excitement for me:  Rufus Wainwright was going to be at the recital, too, and I would get the chance to meet him face to face.  Now, I’m the child of Italian immigrants who survived the war with a personal mantra of “expect the worst, that way you’ll be pleasantly surprised when it doesn’t turn out as bad as you expected,” so suffice to say I didn’t get too wrapped up in what I still considered a “possible” meeting (as opposed to a forgone conclusion).  Still, in the time leading up to departure, there were all kinds of conversation starters running through my head, things I could say to him that wouldn’t make me look like a bumbling fool in front of my musical hero:

“I listened to Poses every day for over a year.”  “I remember watching you in that Gap ad singing ‘What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?’ and crying at how beautiful those 30 seconds sounded.”  “I have a copy of the concert poster from your Carnegie Hall shows hanging in my living room.”  “I’m kicking myself for missing your show at a local winery this summer, where you performed solo with just your piano and a guitar.”  “I named my Siamese cat after you.”

So much for keeping it cool.  Now while all the above may be true (Rufus, if by some strange twist of fate you’re reading this, please know I’m really a very well-adjusted person!), there is a deeper and personal reason why Rufus Wainwright has played a large part in my life.  It was through him that I understood what it truly means to be of yourself fully, without pretense or posing.  He’s an openly gay artist who never apologized for, or denied his true nature.  That was something to talk about back in 1998 when his self-titled debut was released, but by the time Want One rolled around in 2003, Wainwright’s sexuality was nary a blip in any review or article written about him.  Instead, the focus was on the music–the glorious music.  Over the course of three albums (and enough material for a fourth waiting in the studio), Wainwright emerged as one of the greatest living songwriters of our time (just ask Elton John).  Want One is the most perfectly realized record he released this decade.  While its predecessor and sister record Want Two tends to be a bit less focused, Want One is razor sharp.  Like Poses before it, it’s the record I keep going back to when I want a Wainwright fix.  Listening to it reminds me that you don’t have to bend or conform or fit into anyone’s ideal of what success or “normal” is; the authentic you comes from having the courage and strength to look at yourself honestly and with love, and embrace the person you are from outside in.

Rufus Wainwright is who he is, and from that lesson I learned that I could be who I was, too, without having to pretend to be someone else for those around me.  That’s really what I wanted to tell him at the recital, to thank him for being him.  Unfortunately, Wainwright’s schedule changed and he wouldn’t be able to attend the show in New York.  Ms Millo hoped I wasn’t too disappointed, and of course I wasn’t.   I reminded her that Wainwright wasn’t the real reason I was coming to New York.  Still, if it wasn’t for his influence on me all those years back, if it wasn’t for the lesson I’d learned about being true to myself, I would not have been traveling to New York at all.  Maybe some time in the future, when the stars align and the heavens are kind, I’ll get another chance to meet him.  Maybe I won’t tell him about crying watching the Gap ad, or the cat (although he’s the cutest cat EVER!), but I’ll be sure and tell him about the influence he’s had on me personally.

I just hope he doesn’t say, “Yeah, I read that article you wrote about Want One… that’s some scary shit, Jim,” in return.

MP3: Rufus Wainwright “14th Street”
Myspace: Rufus Wainwright

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